The Mind of a 6-year-old is Priceless!

This Spring I have been doing some redecorating around the house.  I ABSOLUTELY love Pottery Barn!  So, I signed up to receive the Pottery Barn Catalog for some inspiration!  I don't have a Pottery Barn Budget, but like I said, the catalog can serve as great inspiration for redecorating your home and if you are patient and a savvy shopper, you can find VERY similar items at stores like TJ Maxx, Gordman's, etc....

Of course it didn't take me long to find inspiration when my Pottery Barn catalog arrived.  They had this awesome wall filled with various shapes and sizes of old-looking clocks.  BINGO!  I found what I needed to hang over a piece of furniture in the kitchen.  So, I began my search via the internet and found a LARGE 24" weathered clock for a steal of a price.  Here is a picture of it:

The clock arrived in a box about twice the size of the clock and I was bringing the box downstairs to store and my husband asked what that was from and I said my new clock. He replies, "MY GOD!  That is a HUGE clock!"  I proceeded to tell him, the clock was not in fact as big as the box; it was half the size and I already put it the wall myself!  So relax!

Later that day, my 6-year-old gets home from school and I asked him if he liked my new clock?  He takes one look at it and with eyes as big as 50 cent pieces he asks me, "DOES THAT CLOCK HAVE AN ALARM?"  I once again defend my clock and said, "No!  It doesn't have an alarm."  He replies, "Well, that's good, because if it did it would shake the WHOLE house!"

Potty Training: It's Not a Private Matter.

My niece is just the cutest little almost 3-year-old in the whole world!  Okay – so I am probably a little biased, but after living day in and day out in a house full of testosterone, it is refreshing to hang out with her, or so I thought..........

My sister and her family met our parents at our family's favorite pizza place one night after my niece's last gymnastics class.  This pizza place truly is a family favorite – so much so that my parent's eat there literally EVERY Friday night and are on a first name basis with the wait staff and owner, Moe. 

So everyone gets to the pizza place and my niece tells my sister that she has to go to the bathroom.  My sis takes her into the bathroom and she is doing her business.  Meanwhile, Moe, the pizza place owner, makes his way over to my parents and is chatting with them when my niece and sis make their way from the bathroom back to the table and my niece PROUDLY and LOUDLY says, "Hi Moe!  I was pooping!"  Moe was speechless and for as the rest of my family they were crying with laughter!  Moe finally got his wits about him and told her he was glad he could help her out! 

John Wayne - Ya S.O.B!

Last week the boys were on Spring Break.  We didn't do a whole lot because we have a big family vacation planned at the beginning of summer. Besides, the weather here in Spring is so bipolar;  sunny and warm one day and then the next day it is overcast and snowing.  Unfortunately, we had more of the latter on spring break.  To pass the time on those nasty days, we would have movie days and cuddle under blankets and eat popcorn and watch a movie.

One particular movie we watched, courtesy of my Dad, was "The Cowboys" with John Wayne. 

The boys are into cowboys right now and my Dad thought they would enjoy it becuase the "cowboys" were actually young boys helping John Wayne escort a herd of cattle across the open range to a prospective buyer. 

We got all cuddled in and started the movie.  Since it was given to us by my Dad I figured it would be a somewhat "G" rated movie.  This was not the case.  John Wayne was cussing up a storm in the movie, but most of the words he said were ones the boys have heard before and they know they are bad and are not to repeat them.  The boys were getting bored with the movie and were in and out of the room and I finally just turned the TV off because we had to get ready to go grocery shopping. 

I told the boys (**reminder - they are just 6 and 4 years old) to go upstairs and change their clothes becuase we were getting ready to leave.  I proceeded to my bedroom to change and get ready as well.  I was in my bathroom, getting ready to brush my teeth when I hear my 6 year-old yell at his little brother, "Go change your clothes, ya SON OF A BITCH!"  Then I hear my 4-year-old yell, " OKAY Ya SON OF A BITCH!" and then slam his bedroom door. 

I immediately spit out my toothpaste or I would have had toothpaste come out of my nose from laughing so hard.  So I try to compose myself and go to my 6-year-old's room and tell him what he yelled was a BAD WORD.  However, I was still giggling and I think he had a hard time taking me seriously.  I finally got control of myself and told them both that what they said was a really bad word and if you call someone that you could really hurt their feelings.  The oldest apologized and said, he didn't know that was a bad word and if it was such a bad word why was I laughing when I told him.  I honestly didn't have an answer for him.  As bad as it sounds, there is just something funny about hearing cuss words come out of little mouths in the proper context! 

So needless to say, I called my father to thank the son of a bitch for exposing my boys to this wonderful John Wayne movie!

PreSchool Testing

My 4-year-old is getting ready to head to preschool in the fall.  Before he can enter preschool he has to take the DIAL test.  Basically, the DIAL test just checks for learning disabilites and to make sure you child is developmentally appropriate for his/her age. 

The night before the test we were quizzing the youngest and asking him questions he would be asked.  We knew a few of the questions because our oldest had been DIAL tested a few years ago.  We knew we needed to quiz him on parts of his body; Where are your eyes? Where is your wrist? Where are your knuckles?  I told my husband not to quiz him too much or he won't get into PreK!  (Hahaha!)  Well about that time, the youngest was quizing himself on his body parts and the next thing we hear is "Where are your balls?" and "Where is your butt?"  And he points to the appropriate places.  I just looked at him and shook my head and looked at my husband who quick wittedly replied, "He'll get in!"

So it was the day of DIAL testing and the youngest did awesome and minded his Ps and Qs and answered questions appropriately.  One of the questions he was asked was, "What do you do when you walk into a room and the light is off?"  Silly question right? Actually this question is just asked to test a child's logical thinking skills.  My youngest answered the question with, "You go to sleep!"  I thought that was pretty cute, but it was not the "right" answer.  They were looking for "turn the light on."  My neighbor who also had her child tested was asked the same question and her answer was, "I go get my Dad!"  

When all was said and done my youngest tested great!  We should find out in a couple weeks if he gets into PreK!  Sure hope he minds his Ps and Qs in PreK or not so I can have some new material to blog about!  :)

It Runs in the Family............

Be sure to check out my cousin's blog.  You will see that these topics and humor run in the family!

Her blog is on blogspot.com and is titled, My name is Mom, Momma, Mommy.

Cute Little Butt

So the other day, my youngest and I took a field trip to Grandma and Grandpa's House.  We actually met them along with my sister and her son and daughter at Grandma's Library.  Well, 4 year olds really don't quite get it yet that they need to be quiet in the library.  He is running around like a mad man, while I am hiding out in a corner and letting Grandma and Grandpa handle the situation!  (Hey, sometimes I just need a break.)  Well he found me and comes running over to me and proceeds to yell, I JUST FARTED IN THE LIBRARY!"  I reply that's great!  Let's go!

So we went back to Grandma and Grandpa's House and it was a nice day for the middle of February in Central Illinois.  It was only about 40 degrees, but after a long winter of single digits and below 0 windchills, it felt like a heat wave!  So we played outside a bit with Grandma's kitties. 

My niece, who loves cats, but doesn't have any of her own, LOVES Grandma's cats.  She was following them all around and just loving on them.  Occasionally, Sox the kitty would turn around and walk away from her and she would just watch him walk away and tell Grandma, "Sox has a cute little butt!"  Now, I know kitties are really cute, but I never heard anyone say that kitties have cute little butts!  Well, it finally dawned on us, she was confusing (if you can call it that, she is only 2) Sox's butt for another part of the male anatomy.  Sox is an un-neutered male kitty!  So I think you can all figure out what she was looking at!

Introduction

Most of you are probably wondering why I chose the title, Butts, Farts, and Private Parts and I will say, That is a good question!  The reason is because I am a Mom to 2 WiLd & CrAzY little boys and the topic of pretty much all of our conversations (okay - not ALL converstaions) are about Butts, Farts and Private Parts.  I did say not all of our conversations are about these 3 topics, but somehow, one way or another, at least one of them will find its way into our conversations. 

I hope with this blog, I can share with you the daily antectdotes of my family.  Hopefully it can kind of serve as a "Field Guide" for raising boys and that these topics are a normal part of raising boys.  OR maybe it is just me trying to justify my family's behavior and make me feel like we are normal!  Hahaha!

So here goes the first story!
My oldest son is in Kindergarden and has been learning all sorts of things.  At dinner time, we turn the old TV off and he tells us about his day at school and what he learned.  A lot of times, he will teach us a few games he learned at school.  One such game he taught us was a guessing game.  He thought up some type of animal in his head.  Then we were to ask him questions to try and figure out what animal he was thinking of.  Well of course his little brother who is almost 4 wanted to ask questions and guess too.  So my oldest, who is 6, thought of an animal and the youngest proceeds to ask his brother, "Does this animal have a butt?"  We all started laughing and the oldest said it indeed had a butt!  Well the game went on and of course the youngest kept asking if the animals had butts.  The oldest finally get fed up with his little brother and yelled at him to "STOP TALKING ABOUT PRIVATE PARTS!"  The little one responded, "Front Pirates or Butt Pirates?"  My husband and I just errupted with laughter and so did the boys; although I am sure their laughter was for different reasons than ours!  At least I hope so or GOD HELP US!  :)